60 is the New Sexy

I have a strong desire to be 60 years of age. I want to fast forward the next (5) years and get to sexy, sensual, scintillating 60. Why you ask?

I want to look like the actresses that are now selling face cream and foundation on television. On one channel I see Diane Keaton happy and glowing with few visible crow’s feet. On another station, I watch Lauren Hutton applying layer-upon-layer of face powder and not a marionette line in sight. [To be more politically correct, I believe they are now called parenthesis lines around the mouth]. I listen to author Nora Ephron as she reports to millions of Oprah audience members she’s 60 and believes hair dye is the #1 alternate in lieu of plastic surgery. There’s Cybil Shepard with purr-fect skin and zero sag lines on another daytime talk show. And let’s not forget perky Sally Field talking about bone loss; Glenn Close up close and personal on Broadway; Cher with the face of a 19-year old before rock & roll; and Susan Sarandon with the drop dead gorgeous significant other (or am I confusing her with Goldie Hawn?) The list goes on and on.

These women are 60+ and their faces are as smooth as a baby’s bottom. I want to be them – I crave a rested face – bright eyes – taunt skin about my mouth and neck. Did I mention these ladies are ACTRESSES and have access to a make-up artist, top of the line face serums, perfect lighting, an on-call dermatologist and plastic surgeon? Also, they have time, money and don’t live in NW Montana.

Although some of the “60 is the New Sexy” females admit to a little work, they won’t release the full scope of the nip, tuck, liposuction, Brazilian butt lift, etc. The one exception is Joan Rivers and I don’t want to look anything like her or her daughter, who looks like she’s already gone under the knife. I don’t want to resemble Linda Dano, Phyllis Diller or Dolly Parton. What I want is a natural face-lift like the one Roseann Barr had 15 years ago and then grew into.

The only way I can look dewy young is to use a full bottle of strong toner, apply spackle-like foundation, lean back in a chair and look into my hand mirror. Gosh, the wrinkles are nearly invisible; even those tiny lines around my thinning lips appear to disappear. I’m young again – I look 40 which is advertised as the New 30 – but if I were 60 right now I’d look great for 50 which is (5) years younger than I am at the moment.

Let’s get real. Wrinkles come and they stay like bad company or a stray cat. We’ve earned the lines across our forehead; the deep furrow between our eyes; the laugh lines; the crow’s feet and let’s not forget the turkey neck and elephant-skin arms. Some women smoke – some sit in the sun sans SPF – some women drink alone – many women have stress – some have a serious illness. All of it takes its toll. Lack of a good moisturizer – not enough water – too much salt – this list goes on and on.

So let’s unite as sister-girlfriends, buy a great night cream, drink tons of water, and get fresh air each and every day. Let’s happily reach for the age closest to us and glory in it. We’re strong and realistic Montana women; no camera filters or plastic surgeons for us.

*But a little lip plumper and expensive eye cream never hurts and I won’t tell if you don’t.