Parting Ways

It is not easy to live miles away from loved ones. No matter how hard you try to stay in touch sending emails, Hallmark cards and pictures of the children and/or pets, it doesn't move you any closer to those you left behind.

In some cases moving away from your home base, your comfort zone, is the first step in independence. It says to those around you "I can take care of myself" or "I can make a good life for myself" or "I need to leave so I can live a healthier and happier life."

When you're 55+ and a member of the sandwich generation the guilt may creep in. For those of you that haven't heard the term "sandwich" it designates a baby boomer that has children on one side - elderly parents on the other - and you're concerned about all of them. It's a balancing act.

I know in my heart that Montana is where I choose to live my life. I need the wide open spaces, the big sky, the fresh air, the wonderful wildlife. I love the folks at the local bowling alley, the post office, the supermarket and casino. For the last 12 years my husband and I have put down good strong roots. I am not going anywhere unless I win the Power Ball and can purchase a home with CA$H in Big Bear or Lake Tahoe. I cannot bear the thought of freeways, air pollution, crime, or unwarranted taxes. I cringe at crowds, and being in bumper-to-bumper traffic is not my idea of a good time. However, the family I left behind weighs heavy on my heart.

Throughout the year I carry different suitcases of guilt along with me. I beat myself up with: Why did I have that second donut? What made me purchase yet another pair of UGGS? Why did I turn my cheek when the hubby leaned in to kiss me good night? What made me fib to the person at the customer service desk? But the burden that kills my back, and breaks my heart, is being 1,700 miles away from family on the holidays.

The decision to relocate from Southern California to Northwest Montana was a long and well thought out process. My husband and I studied the pro/con list and said “Yes” to a Montana lifestyle. We were certain the move could strengthen a marriage; prolong our lives; eliminate job stress; and take us away from Big City grime and crime. We were right on all points! Some baby boomers dream about moving to Arizona; Colorado; Mexico, or New Hampshire. Few take the leap due to finances; fear; and family. In our case, living the good life while breathing in clean air was the best decision for us. But that doesn’t diminish the guilt.

I use to travel to California twice a year to see family and close friends. Then air fares went up; gasoline prices sky rocketed; deals on rental cars weren’t so budget friendly anymore. I now see family once a year, with five to ten days not time enough to catch up. After we relocated from Castaic (CA) to Whitefish (MT) we had numerous friends and family tell us we would never make it in a cold climate. And here we are, both with good jobs, good friends, vehicles that we can afford and we're able to meet all household expenses. At times it is a challenge, but our life in Montana is a good life. Therefore, it was the right decision.

So this holiday season I’ll send off Made-in-Montana gift items; include some pictures of eagles and elk and bear, oh my; and recent pix of our home and pets. I’ll slip in a photo of Grandma dressed in camouflage, wearing ear muffs, and seasoning a bird for our turkey canon.

Yes, my life is different. Yes, my zip code has changed. But that certainly doesn't mean I miss my family less. I love and appreciate them more each and every year! And I try hard to shake the guilt and know that my decision to fly the coop was the right decision for my happiness.

To my family in sunny California:
Know that you are loved;
Believe that you are missed;
Understand that you are cherished and always will be.