Reserved vs. Reckless
Colleagues and acquaintances know me as helpful; warm
hearted; humorous; focused; and reserved.
They never hear me utter a 4-letter word and no matter how challenging a
situation is, I remain friendly and open.
On the flip side, my closest confidants know my history and are well
aware of the person I use to be. I was
sheltered; cold hearted; bitter; fragmented; and frequently out of control. I’ve been lucky enough to take those
different worlds; mix them up like a dirty martini; and seem pretty balanced at
any given moment.
Recently I was at the vet with my tabby cat when two staff
members asked me where I worked. When I replied my employer was an attorney (a
Buddhist and former Judge) they both remarked that I didn’t seem “reserved
enough” to work as a legal assistant. You see, they know me as funny ha-ha,
with a quick sense of humor and full of double meanings. I’m always upbeat; chatting with complete
strangers in the waiting room; joking with the doctor; etc.
I believe a healthy human being should have many colors and
hues to their personality. To know when
to push back; know when to back off; know how to hold them; know how to fold them. If you have to play a game of wits, make sure
to take your best shot and believe you’ll hit the target.
My analysis leads me to something that happened
yesterday. Picture a sixty-one year old
grandmother of three in her 2006 Jeep Liberty in the drive through at the local
McDonalds. Its pouring rain and the nice
lady is listening to a favorite female artist.
This same woman weighed herself this morning and found she was under her
target weight of 155 pounds. Therefore,
the middle-aged bad girl ordered a mocha latte with whole milk and a
cinnamon melt.
It’s still raining when she pulls into the parking lot;
kills the engine; and turns the stereo up.
The Jeep begins to tremble with the loud bass of Lady Gaga singing “I
was Born this Way.” The woman is
drinking her coffee full of calories and eating cinnamon sugar from the package
with a plastic knife. She looks into her
rear view mirror and sees hazel eyes surrounded by lavender shadow looking back
at her. She remembers her eyes use to be brown back in the 80’s when she was
full of _hit.
She smiles and wonders what her colleagues and acquaintances
would think of her now. Some people are
never what they seem to be, as some people hide it better than others. There
are times your spouse or your sibling have no clue what kind of secret life you
may be living.
In the meantime, this woman continues to live in the moment
and tries to give thanks for the good things in her life. It could be Canadian geese flying overhead; turkeys
running about the property with sesame buns in their mouths; pumpkins turning
orange in what’s left of the garden; or the deep raspberry color of a Montana
sunset. It could be the gentle nudge of
my German shepherd; a favorite movie on the Hallmark channel; the
smell of meatloaf in the oven; or a phone call from the mother-in-law where she
thanks me for being her closest friend.
A lot of times we get our feet stuck in mud – or worse yet,
concrete. No matter your temperament; no
matter your history; no matter a lack of confidence you must get out of a
bad/sad situation. Turn up the music and
know that you’re just as strong as the other person…and maybe smarter too.